Brave Enough to Burn

I am considering going to the doctor tomorrow about my ankle. The swelling is not going down at the expected rate. Of course, I haven't been able to keep it as elevated as I should, and I spent a LOT of yesterday standing, so that may be part of it. It's not broken, certainly, nor is it a level three sprain, because I can put weight on it, and walk. It doesn't feel particularly unstable, either. it's just swollen, sore, and certain movements are retarded by the tightness and swelling. HOWEVER- there is definite touch tenderness on the bone just above the ankle, so when the continued swelling is considered, the possibility of a hairline fracture must be considered.

I'm still hesitant to go to the doctor for a few reasons. For one, expense. For another, If it's a fracture or torn ligament, all they are going to do is tell me to do everything I'm already doing, such as elevation and compression. I'm still going to have to go up and down stairs and function, so it won't actually help me much. The only thing it would do is give me a medical out for light duty/being able to sit down at work, when we reopen. I'm monitoring Simon's website, however, and our mall is currently not the reopen list for the next two weeks, and by then, I should be fine enough.

Still moving slowly, though. It's almost 2. I've eaten food (though I'm weirdly still hungry). I got the protein powder that P recommended, and it is ok. Like, it isn't a meal replacement, but adding it to my coffee helps up my protein intake, which I desperately need. On that score, it frustrates me that the easiest way for me to get protein- eggs- causes my tracker to yell at me about cholesterol, because OH NOES! I think that's the biggest issue with the tracker- it doesn't separate between good and bad cholesterol, or added or natural sugar. So it skews data a bit.

I'm having to remind myself that I am actually rather seriously injured, my mobility is fucked, and that the best thing I can do to speed recovery is to not be moving. This is very hard for me, as even when I'm having rough days, I need to get up and do something. True facts- if I lived alone, I'd be way less worried about being "productive." I'd also not be, ya know, changing shirts or showering every day, and would be living my best trash goblin life.

Knowing that W isn't judging me in anyway, doesn't stop the brain, or the fact that I feel I need to be "earning my keep." It doesn't help that I'm having a lot of issues just... focusing. Like, I've been working on this post for thirty minutes, but keep getting distracted. In about an hour, I'm going to go downstairs, and start on a meal. I have GOT to cook that pork today.

Instead of going day by day, I think I'm going to start doing a weekly To Do list (as its own post), and then updating where I'm at on it every evening. I think that will help me with the whole "feeling like I failed a day" thing.

Unrelated, I debate on using cuts in my posts, here. Like... I have no one reading my posts, so do I really care if I'm making a long post on an unread feed? Back in the LJ days, it was just common courtesy, but like... if no one is even here then what even is the reason?

In regard to self-care (and setting aside the concern over my ankle at the moment, I have been showering daily, and moisturizing at least my face, hands, and feet. My feet are really bothering me- since I've been off work, the skin on the bottom of my feet has been doing that micro-splitting thing. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not wearing shoes, so there isn't anything to cushion my weight when I step, if it's because my feet are more dry because of the same reason, or what. But I haven't had this sort of issue, to this extent, in a long time. The last thing I want to to have my feet start doing that peeling thing again. I'm thinking the answer is that I need to do a good foot scrubbing/exfoliating, in addition to moisturizing. I'm super grumpy about the whole walking thing getting fucked because of my ankle. By the time it heals up, we'll be in hell temperatures, and it will be harder to make myself walk. I am keeping up with tracking my food, and I have limited my soda to one a day. Trying to get my water intake up a bit more.

There is still the whole budgeting thing I need to manage. I'm not doing as well at it as I should be. Tonight, I have to stay up to file my unemployment weekly cert. I need to pay my car note, JefCap, and my phone bill out of this payment. Everything else is a sub, and it comes off my Cap 1 card, which is more or less paid off. Starting with this week, I need to be way more mindful of my extraneous spending, as I'm back to paying all my bills straight up again, and the UE payment will pretty much *just* cover them. I did decide to keep my BB sub for this month, because meat is getting both scarce and expensive because the supply lines are fucked, and at least I know it's good stuff.

Now... to the To Do post.