Brave Enough to Burn

So, it's officially been over a year since I quit Cokes and assorted other soda-type beverages. In that time the closest thing I've had to a "soda" are the non-caffeinated, non-HFC black cherry drinks from Walgreens, and in the past few months, the occasional non-caffeinated root beer/root beer float. I consider that staying within the parameters, as my main goal was to remove my dependency on Cokes and increase my water intake. I've done both those things. I drink almost exclusively water on any give day, with a couple of sweet teas thrown in during the week.

I don't really miss Cokes. I will admit to some curiosity about the new Cherry Dr. Pepper, but I feel I can now try just one- if I desire- without fear of relapse. Considering that a root beer makes me feel like crap within the hour, I don't imagine I'd go buy a case of the drink. It is, I must add, merely a curiosity at the moment. I'm not actually inclined to go and buy one.

My weight loss goals were a bit derailed. I haven't lost any more, haven't gained any more, in several months. I chalk this up to a return to erratic eating habits and a lack of planning/schedule. I'm hoping to get back on track with that, though. It's hard. Eating properly is very difficult when you are broke.

Twenty Pounds lost officially. Now for another twenty...

several glasses (but not enough) filtered water
1 large Bolthouse mocha
1 pitcher homemade smoothie: frozen cherries, almond milk, acai juice, pomegranate seeds, sunflower seeds
1 Soup at Hand Chicken noodle soup
1 chocolate peppermint
1 Hershey's kiss
1 chocolate candy
3/4 of a Taco Bell Grilled Stuffed Steak Burrito.

I had to have solid food. The soups and smoothies and such are nourishment, but they only do so much, and by the time I got off work, I was so hungry I felt ill. I had to use a fork and knife and cut the burrito into tiny bites; I still can't open my jaw wide enough to actually "bite" something. And my fillings from Friday are still very sensitive and tender. Which means even though I had no teeth on the left side pulled, I still can't really chew much on that side, either. The worst of it is, I still feel hungry.

Other than the sudden sinus/allergy attack last week, I've been feeling all around pretty well, physically at least. The sinus issue stemmed from the sudden cold turn the weather took, and the resulting need to turn on the heat in the house. Moving from cold to warm makes my sinuses run like crazy, and usually down the back of my throat. Which just makes me feel overall not well. That's mostly cleared up, though, and I hope to be back on my bike tomorrow. I was going to give it a try this morning, but I still had some slight drainage and didn't want to push it.

Of course, knocking out the mess means taking four different meds, and that plays havoc with my Gi tract. It'll likely take another week for that to settle back down. But I'll muddle through.

I can now confirm a loss of 15lbs since I started the Food Diary, which brings me to 244lbs. Now, I do weigh myself every day, twice a day. This is not so I can agonize over the scale. It is so I know what my normal weight fluctuation in a day is. I can fluctuate as much as 2.5 lbs over the course of the day. If I see a larger fluctuation than that, and it happens more than one or two days, I need to look back over what I took in and see what is causing the extra water retention. Or if I've not been eliminating properly. That kind of thing. I realize that people say don't fixate on the scale, don't weigh yourself every day. But I am the type that if I only weigh one a week and there has been and I gained instead of maintaining or losing, I will beat myself up over it. Catching a problem as it starts to trend is much easier for me than playing catch up. And I know well enough that health is not about the numbers on the scale.

Here's a random tidbit. Fully clothed, I weigh 3lbs more than nude.

Mentally...I'm better. I had a breakdown the other day, thanks to a very disturbing dream, and oddly enough, it seemed to help. I've been so busy worrying about people and things, I forgot to worry about me. I am still overwhelmed, still a bit lost. But I've got an anchor now, and that makes all the differance.

So, the new year for me starts on Nov 1st. I'm not one for resolutions and all that, because I know how I am. I always set goals higher than I can reach; heck, I overload my to do lists on a daily basis. I never finish a list; I just add to the bottom. However, there are a few things that I do want to work on that I feel the need to put down in writing.

Firstly, starting on the 1st, I'm starting a mild detox diet, which I will stay on for four weeks. I feel I've kept up with my food intake well enough over the past couple of months that I know what my pitfalls are, where I need to be careful, and what I need to make sure I add to my diet. I'm not doing one of those risky liquid fasts or anything like that. However, I am moving to an almost completely vegetarian diet for those two weeks. Protein will come from nuts, seeds, tofu, whey protein, small amounts of fatty fish, like salmon, and very small amounts of chicken or turkey (or broths made from said). Don't worry, uglygrandmother, I'll get enough protein. Yes, this means I'll be on the detox during Thanksgiving. We aren't doing the big dinner at the house this year for a variety of reasons, so I'm not worried. I can make my own Thanksgiving dinner that works with my detox menu. I will, however, likely cook up a turkey anyway, because turkey is love, and it can be morphed into a variety of dishes post-feast. Very little added sugars, refined or otherwise, very little refined flours, and I will be watching the salt intake, but I'm not using nearly the mount of salt I used to, anyway. No fast food. Lots of veggies, both raw and cooked. Lots of fruit. Water. Grains, like Quinoa and millet, brown rice

Secondly, Finances. I went into a hole for several months and simply didn't care, because I was just that depressed. Got to get on the ball and get that dealt with, one way or another.

Thirdly, Organization and Purging. Stuff. I have too much. It needs to go.

Three things. Three big, big things. But I think if I keep on task, keep focused, break them down into manageable piles, I can handle it.

several glasses cucumber lemon water
1 bowl granola/fruit cereal w/ skim milk
2 slices sunflower seed bread w/ cashew butter and pom jelly
several handfuls toasted spicy sunflower seeds
pasta w/ chicken and tomato sauce
salad
lowfat yogurt
chedder & blue cheese "fondue"
handful chili-lemon pistachios

a few glasses of cucumber/lemon water.
1 large Bolthouse Mocha
2 pieces of my chocolate mint bread, plus a couple of crumb-nibbles
a spoonful of raw dough scraped out of the bottom of the bowl
the rest of my MPC pizza
2 20oz waters
1 yogurt...I forget the flavor.

I have noticed that my diet lacks protein, unless I have the protein drink. Since I'm also getting sugars and such in that drink, I need to find a better alternative.

I am also noticing a connection between eating an abundance of wheat products and an energy drop. I get ver' sleepy.

beckyh2112 asked me "What does detoxing entail?" Her question plus a few other comments and questions have prompted me to make this entry to explain that, what my detox will entail, and the purposes behind my going through the process.

A detox can mean a variety of things to different people, and often has negative connotations in a person's mind, since it does often involve radical changes, deprivation, and other unpleasantness. It can be taken to an extreme, like any eating or behavior, and if one does this, it can be harmful. Detoxing can cover everything from switching to a vegan or raw diet for a period of time, smoothie or juice fasts, or even water fasts. It can also simply involve removing an addictive substance from one's diet, such as caffeine, sugar, nicotine, alcohol, etc.

As for why I'm doing this- I'm not embarking on this journey for the purpose of a quick flush and fix. I'm looking to make some long term changes, not just in my eating habits, but in my life. It's not just about flushing the congestion out of my body; it's about clearing the congestion around me as well. That includes physical congestion such as clutter, as well as mental, spiritual and emotional congestion. This is not going to be something that happens overnight; I'll be making baby steps. One positive change at a time.

For me, this is a Life Detox.

Some of what I will be doing as far as my body detox is concerned is as follows:

- making sure to drink plenty of water, at least 6-8 glasses/portions per day
- shifting away from refined sugars, not just in cooking but in prepared foods
- decreasing and eventually hopefully eliminating my consumption of prepared/processed foods
- increasing my intake of veggies, fruits, lentils, and non-wheat grains
- decreasing my sodium intake
- decreasing my intake of OTC medicines.
- beginning an exercise regime, centering around core strength and flexibility.

Other items on my Life detox list:

- decreasing clutter, and hopefully my dependence on Stuff
- establishing a cleaning routine that is easy to upkeep, versus having to spend one whole day cleaning a week.
- setting aside a period of time each week to make art
- getting finances back in order
- switching away from chemical household cleaners and utilizing more natural cleansers. This will be difficult, since I always associate the smell of Clorox with Clean, since that's what we used when I was a kid.
- establishing a sleeping routine
- reading every day
- reconnecting with friends
- reconnecting with family

That's the overview. Those lists aren't all inclusive, of course, but that should give y'all an idea of what I'm aiming for with the process. I'm hoping to start the first of September with the food/body detox. I'm already starting on some of the other aspects.

Questions? Comments? Smart remarks?