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Weekly check in 3-28
Mar. 28th, 2010 10:51 pmSo there is a definite pattern to my gain/loss cycles. Every three weeks, I have a two to four pound gain, and then the next week, am back to what I was two weeks prior, give or take a few tenths of a pound. Which, yes, means that I've "lost" everything I showed as gain last week. Current weight is now 233, which is a 3.2 pound loss. The gain is obviously just water weight. Possibly it is a stress related gain. More likely, it is due to period prep.
Still, being able to identify the pattern and know it's a water weight gain, not an actual weight gain, is most helpful on the psyche. It doesn't mean I can get sloppy, but it does mean I can give myself a mental pass from the negative internal dialogue.
On the subject of wellness (not necessarily of the physical variety), I have decided recently that it's time to start living for me. That may sound silly, and I've mentioned before that I need to "fix myself", but it isn't the same as living for myself. See, I've always defined myself by what I could do for other people, what I could be for other people. Recently, I've had to step back and take a good hard look at the reasons for that. It isn't a very pretty thing to examine.
I have been withdrawn to the extreme in the past few years. I work, I get home, I get on the computer, I chat. I stay home and embrace routine. Routine is safe. Routine is good.
Routine sucks dead donkey balls.
So, I'm now allowing myself a bit of kitty money to go out and do something at least once a week. This decision came about after Emmy dragged me out to Mid-South Con a few weekends ago. Since then, I have had dinner and a movie with a friend I hadn't seen in...close to two years, I think, and I have spent three whole hours basking in the glory of sun and flower at the Botanic Gardens. I even sketched! It was wondrous!
I'm also learning that my own company can be rather good company. About damn time.
( Read more... )
Still, being able to identify the pattern and know it's a water weight gain, not an actual weight gain, is most helpful on the psyche. It doesn't mean I can get sloppy, but it does mean I can give myself a mental pass from the negative internal dialogue.
On the subject of wellness (not necessarily of the physical variety), I have decided recently that it's time to start living for me. That may sound silly, and I've mentioned before that I need to "fix myself", but it isn't the same as living for myself. See, I've always defined myself by what I could do for other people, what I could be for other people. Recently, I've had to step back and take a good hard look at the reasons for that. It isn't a very pretty thing to examine.
I have been withdrawn to the extreme in the past few years. I work, I get home, I get on the computer, I chat. I stay home and embrace routine. Routine is safe. Routine is good.
Routine sucks dead donkey balls.
So, I'm now allowing myself a bit of kitty money to go out and do something at least once a week. This decision came about after Emmy dragged me out to Mid-South Con a few weekends ago. Since then, I have had dinner and a movie with a friend I hadn't seen in...close to two years, I think, and I have spent three whole hours basking in the glory of sun and flower at the Botanic Gardens. I even sketched! It was wondrous!
I'm also learning that my own company can be rather good company. About damn time.
( Read more... )
