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Other than the sudden sinus/allergy attack last week, I've been feeling all around pretty well, physically at least. The sinus issue stemmed from the sudden cold turn the weather took, and the resulting need to turn on the heat in the house. Moving from cold to warm makes my sinuses run like crazy, and usually down the back of my throat. Which just makes me feel overall not well. That's mostly cleared up, though, and I hope to be back on my bike tomorrow. I was going to give it a try this morning, but I still had some slight drainage and didn't want to push it.

Of course, knocking out the mess means taking four different meds, and that plays havoc with my Gi tract. It'll likely take another week for that to settle back down. But I'll muddle through.

I can now confirm a loss of 15lbs since I started the Food Diary, which brings me to 244lbs. Now, I do weigh myself every day, twice a day. This is not so I can agonize over the scale. It is so I know what my normal weight fluctuation in a day is. I can fluctuate as much as 2.5 lbs over the course of the day. If I see a larger fluctuation than that, and it happens more than one or two days, I need to look back over what I took in and see what is causing the extra water retention. Or if I've not been eliminating properly. That kind of thing. I realize that people say don't fixate on the scale, don't weigh yourself every day. But I am the type that if I only weigh one a week and there has been and I gained instead of maintaining or losing, I will beat myself up over it. Catching a problem as it starts to trend is much easier for me than playing catch up. And I know well enough that health is not about the numbers on the scale.

Here's a random tidbit. Fully clothed, I weigh 3lbs more than nude.

Mentally...I'm better. I had a breakdown the other day, thanks to a very disturbing dream, and oddly enough, it seemed to help. I've been so busy worrying about people and things, I forgot to worry about me. I am still overwhelmed, still a bit lost. But I've got an anchor now, and that makes all the differance.
air_n_darkness: (Default)
It is sad, so very, very sad, that I have several people willing to be sounding boards and to listen, and yet I can't bring myself to talk to them, because I don't want to dump on/burden/bother people. Because doing that is selfish, troublesome, does nothing but spread dreary drek from me to them. Because I don't WANT to make them feel sorry for me. I don't want sympathy or empathy or confirmation that I am not some horrible person. I just want to cry and scream and flail do something that is not sitting here and quietly sobbing while trying to go about my daily life, while pretending that I am okay with this, because pretending I am okay with this is the only thing that keeps me from breaking down into a little pile and not ever moving again.

I just want to stop feeling like a broken, worthless, failure of a thing, like a waste. And no amount of sympathy is going to accomplish that.

I'm sorry.
air_n_darkness: (sorrow)
I just discovered that [livejournal.com profile] kileaiya, Jordan in RL passed away after an extended stay in the hospital. She was only 20.

It's was sudden and unexpected; we knew she was going into the hospital, but even she seemed to considered it a "minor procedure." She'd been dealing with medical issues for years.

Jordan was amazing, one of the strongest people I knew. Despite an accident that left her wheelchair-bound, she NEVER was crippled." She lived her life as best she could and to the fullest. We met through RS, talking 'bout the woes of growing up in backsticks Alabama. Since then, we've joked about Dr. Who, exchanged Christmas cards, and just generally goofed around online.

I was working on a paper arts piece for her, that was supposed to be a surprise goodie for when she got out of the hospital. Instead, it will be a memorial piece which I will offer to her family.

[livejournal.com profile] sandykidd made a info post with links to the obituary and other info on Jordan, if there's anyone who was a mutual friend on my list that hadn't heard about her death.
air_n_darkness: (PoOrose)
There is definitely not enough alcohol in the house to make this better.

I'm not sure I could afford enough alcohol to make this better.

No, no one is dead; life is just using me as its litter box, apparently.
air_n_darkness: (Default)
Okay, first off, I am okay.  I'm banged up and brusied from head to toe, have what the ER doctor decribed as "major whiplash," and have been given happy meds.  I just came off a nice long nap on the couch w/ ice packs all over my back, Lynson is fixing me dinner, and I'm going to try to tell the story without too many errors and ranblings.  I go to my regular doctor tomorrow for a full check, but thankfully the x-ray taken at the hospital didn't indicate spinal damage.  I know that tomorrow I will feel worse, as the muscles will be very tight.  That's what the happy meds are for.   Thanks you nitia for getting in touch w/ everyone; you are a doll.  Here's the skinny for you guys:

Interstate-240 southbound, the Getwell exit. 8:45am.  I have just merged into the exit lane, when brake lights start popping and trafic in the lane is coing to an almost complete stop.  I brake,  as does in front (Cavalier).  Cavalier is swervering into shoulder to keep from hitting the car in front of him, giving me plenty of stopping room, a few car lengths.  Then something slams into my car(Civic).  This JUMPS my car forward and I clipped the back drivers side bumper of the Cavalier.   I honestly have no recollection of getting the car to the shoulder and stopped, I just remember lying flat on my back in the car seat.  Yeah, flat.  The front seat supports gave way when I was hit, which is why almost all the trauma is to my mid-back; I went forward when I was hit, hit the seatbelt (which has a very strong and tight lock), then went all the way flat, then back up when I hit the Cavalier.  Also, the back passenger's drivers seat (the back folds down), totally broke loose, and only the upholstry is keeping it together.  I Hurt Like a Bitch (tm), but knew that I had to get up and deal w/ this.  Whoo, adreanaline, got me moving.

Based on the damage, Civic had probably just merged behind me when he tried to stop.  And was going much faster  His front end literally fell apart, but the majority of damage was to his passenger side front; his radiator was much closer to his passenger seat then it should have been. Nad he left some nice skid marks. My car at first seemed to have just suffered some body work: the drivers side rear-bumper was crushed, the back driver quad panal buckled, everything nice and crunchy.  Fom hitting the Cavalier, the car suffered a cracked headlight; the Cavalier, had nothing more than some dents and scratches apparent.  But then you notice that my back driver's  is flat.  And it's OVAL.  And there seems to be some bending on various parts that should not be bent. And had Civic hit me more on the side then on the back, he would have smashed the gas tank.  Damage to that is still a probability. Shit, Shit, SHIT!!!!! We just paid off that car less than 2 months ago.  The insurance is thinking it may be totaled. 

So, now I have to find Murphy and kick his ass.  I was all prepared for some major repair since we paid it off.  Murphy and I have a long and standing relationship and he always shows up even though he knows I don't like him.  But did he have to kill my car?.  I loved that car *sniff*

So I'll be okay, however, various bits are protesting me being upright now, so I am going back to the couch.

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