air_n_darkness: (Default)
[personal profile] air_n_darkness
Something I do- that I recognize as a failing, mind- is that when I am truly, deeply upset, when I hurt in my heart, I stop talking to, well, anyone. If something or someone manages to hurt me at that deep a level, I pull back all my connections, leaving only the lightest of steelthreads on the people in my sphere. The walls go back up. They can't back up strong and hard like they used to be, because I well ad truly shattered them years ago. They go back up as steelglass, transparent; I can see people, but can't really touch them. More importantly, they can't touch me.

I have spent so much of my life being told that my feelings aren't valid. That it is my job to suffer with my hurt for the betterment of others. It makes it so that, even when I know that I have a legitimate reason to be upset, that I just swallow it down. When it is made clear to me that I have the choice of accepting something that hurts, or loosing something that matters so very much, what else can I do? Especially when everyone seems to think I have no right to feel the way I do. Even the people who acknowledge that things have not been handled properly, don't seem to think I have a right to hurt.

I hurt. I hurt so much right now. I don't think I can do this. I feel like I'm swallowing glass. Right now, I just want to walk away from everyone, and everything.
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