Tonight, I put on some music for my trip home, as I normally do. Tonight, though, I decided to address the dearth of Manowar by adding a few more tracks to one of my playlists.
Going through what Manowar I had on the phone, I ran across "Warriors of the World United." As I listened to the track start, I felt something inside shift. I added it to my playlist, and found it in said list. I started it up, and left. The song was fascinating, and I started it over again when it finished. I kept it up until 1am, when I finally turned that one song off and got a shower (and bed).
What follows is a rough approximation of what was going through my mind while I was listening to that one song, over and over. I first shared these thoughts with Cynthia earlier. I'm not editing these thoughts, so there is a chance one or two may be missing context.
tonight, I feel a direction to work on my games, and fucking own my games. I feel gods-damned amazing.
this song has unlocked something that I was unsure of, or was purposefully ignoring.
Fuck.. so I walked to my altar, which I'd been thinking of dismantling, to get my tobacco, and I had a sudden urge to sob. Not from sadness, but from overwhelming emotions
The reason I am drawn to the Norse is that I NEED that warrior spirit. I am not, in my daily life, a warrior in the classic sense. I am absolutely a fighter, but that's different.
The Norse are there to watch out for me. They help me where I can't help myself.
Yet, for some reason, I've been pushing them away. Even last year, when I was thinking Odin was watching, I listened to others who said I had to include Loki. No, I don't, but I let myself be influenced so.
All I have to do is accept them, pick up my learning about them, and things will be back on track (oh, I may have to make a few sacrifices, but that's to be expected).
Athena and Diana were the warriors of my youth. I could and should continue to honor Athena (besides warrior, there's the learned one aspect), but the Norse have welcomed me in, and I fucking ignored what was staring me in the face.
Freyja may have been watching me initially, but that may have been because of my (unconscious and subconscious) connection to Athena and Diana. To ease my conversion.
I'll never be a classic heathen. But that's okay. They know what I am.
I never told you that when we went to see Iron Maiden inNashville, we went to the Parthenon. I was almost overwhelmed by being in her shrine.. tell me that I'm not connected..